In 2005, I faced some serious decisions regarding treatment after learning that my Hodgkin’s Lymphoma had come back. It was hard to know what to do, because whichever option I chose came with some consequences. Ultimately I chose to undergo a stem cell transplant, which was a nasty affair with a tremendous affect on my emotional state as well as my body. Now a few years later and cancer free, this song seems to have creeped into my consciousness again. I decided to finally record a demo version this past Monday.

Along with the piano and voice parts, I recorded some background melodica and some kazoo parts reverb-ified.

Listen to “Happens In Stages”

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Happens in stages
Dog-eared pages
Two roads at your feet

Heaven and Earth
Or what it’s worth
You could take chances or time

Also recorded on Monday was a song called Little Black Boxes, inspired by The American Widow Project.

photo by Kristen Beam

Tonight I’m heading up to Sackamusic in Conway, MA to start recording with Dave Chalfant. I’m taking Steve Biegner and Greg Saulmon and we’re going to be working on a few songs. It marks the first real (not reel) recording for the forthcoming album.

It somehow seems fitting to be starting this a day after my birthday and opening yet another new chapter in my crazy life. In a phone call yesterday, my dad and I discussed whether or not I thought I was “cured”. I told him I try not to think about it, which is true. Actually, I probably won’t ever be able to answer this question. This fact tends to insert itself into almost every one of my songs in one way or another.

It’s been about 8 or 9 years since I made the last record. I am reminded of how I got to this point, and if I pile up all those circumstances it’s a little overwhelming. But with that, it’s exhilerating too.

I intend to have a lot of fun. To use a Massachusettsism, I’m “wicked excited”.

I went up to meet with Dave Chalfant to discuss my forthcoming album a few weeks ago. Dave’s studio is in Conway, Massachusetts, on top of a hill, up a bunch of dirt roads and things. It’s in a place where you can see the stars at night.

I thought I’d have time to stop and get my headlight bulb replaced, except I got stuck in some traffic on I-91, so there wasn’t enough time. I wound up driving through the dark, hilly, woods to Conway with one headlight like that Wallflowers song. The snowbanks were so high I felt like my car was on a bobsled track.

I told Dave all my ideas for making a record… what I liked and didn’t like– why I wanted to do this. He calmly nodded and seemed to understand what I was going for. We both were pretty jazzed about the project. I told him about the grant I received from The SAMFund, and how it is somewhat bittersweet, and how I want to to my best to honor it.

The SamFUND is an organization that I learned more about when I played a benefit concert at PACE in Easthampton, Massachusetts. It was in honor of Andrea Coller, a local musician who passed away last April. I performed one of Andrea’s songs, “Call After Midnight”, and one of my own, “Kindred”. In between I talked about my own experience with cancer, and how heartbreaking it was to know that Andrea dealt with a lot of the same things– and worse, before she passed away. Even though we were only casual aquaintances at best, it was just really really difficult to process. But it reminded me how vastly important songwriting and music is– how it contributes to the world and how cathartic it is.

After I performed “Kindred”, I left the stage and pretty much lost it. Sam came backstage, introduced herself, and hugged me. We talked about how much cancer totally sucks. I told her about how much music meant to me, and how over the past number of years, between being sick, trying to restore my normal life again, and land on my feet financially, it wasn’t in the cards for me to make a record. She encouraged me to put a proposal together, write an essay, and apply for a SAMFund grant.

Initially, I felt enormously guilty about it. I kept thinking that there were more deserving people, that I’d be able to make a record one day down the line, I just had to make some sacrifices and save for a number of years first. Besides, I still had some other medical expenses I had to pay off– it was kind of silly to to make a record when I still had debts to pay. But I was encouraged by Sam, my wife Kristen, family and friends. And the more I thought about it, the more I began to see this as a responsibility to myself. I’m truly so tired of putting things off. I had to do that for a good portion of my twenties. Cancer can suck an egg, really. If I didn’t this now, then when?

I submitted a proposal, toiled over and sent in my essay. I wasn’t really confident I would get picked. When I did, I was truly honored. I couldn’t believe it, really. This was really going to happen. I was elated. But I wasn’t prepared for what I would learn next.

From The SAMFund:

In honor of her life, the The SAMFund has established the Andrea Coller Memorial Award, to be given to individuals who share Andrea’s passion and strength of spirit. Andrea’s friends and family will be involved in the selection process.

Sam called me while I was at work to tell me that Andrea’s family and friends selected me to be the first recipient of the Andrea Coller Memorial Award. Even just typing that now, I still can’t quite believe it. When I found out, I was in absolute awe. I somehow had to return to work and finish the work day and process what this all meant.

I won’t ever be able to express my gratitude or how humbling it is to know that Andrea’s family and friends think that I’m deserving of this. All I can do is honor it, and pour my heart and soul into making this record. And everything is starting to come together. I’ve been working with other musicians to work out some arrangements. I’m sending things to Dave Chalfant at Sackamusic. I’m writing and re-writing things. I have all these ideas. And I’m so grateful that I get to do this.

This is all really happening.

This Friday, I have the opportunity to open for Western Massachusetts singer/songwriter, Mark Schwaber. I’ve known Mark for a long time now as most musicians in the valley do, having common friends and acquaintances. Mark writes a great music blog called Feedback for MassLive (where I work), he ran Night Owl Records in Easthampton where I purchased many a cd, and over the twenty or some odd years we’ve both been making music in the valley, we’ve been on the same bill a few times and attended many of the same shows. Aside from my normal appreciation that Mark is a ‘valley musician’, I can honestly say that Mark Schwaber is one of my favorite musicians anywhere. There are some of his songs that just absolutely floor me every time I hear them… ‘Dignity in Death’ for example.

Mark has been performing with Sara Gomes lately, and from what I hear, it’s nothing short of magic. Sara Gomes is the wife of Tom Gomes, who who used to play drums in a band called Killswitch Engage (and now owns his own drum company). The main guitar dudes in Killswitch are Adam Dutkiewicz and Joel Stroetzel.

Adam and I got together when Killswitch was still in its infancy to record the Smokejumpers album. (more…)

I was looking at my site one day and began to realize how seemingly quickly things become out of date and never get updated. It happens to everyone, and I suppose I could tell you that it won’t happen here since I have a fancy new blog setup so it makes it easier for me to post things. I suppose I could pledge to keep this updated as frequently as possible, not acknowledging the inevitable slackage that will creep up from time to time.

Instead I’ll just post about how I’m kind of excited about the whole blog setup. Ever since I started working at MassLive, and since meeting my lovely fiancee Kristen, I’ve been keen to the idea of starting one, but just didn’t have the time to explore it. Finally, I did.

So here we are. As I get into the swing of things, I hope some of these posts aren’t total snoozers.